How are you doing today? Lately I feel like everyone around me has felt a bit off. Maybe it’s the daylight savings change, or the overcast weather we’ve been having. Maybe it’s the coke in the London water supply? (To clarify: I don’t actually think it’s the coke in the water supply.) Metaphorical or not, there’s something in the water, and it’s definitely left me feeling not that great this past month.
I had this moment while I was in LA when I realised that I had been making videos pretty much every week, sometimes every day, for the past three years. Then I started thinking about how the format of what I’m making has hardly changed, and hasn’t been creatively evolving either. And what is the purpose of my content? What am I contributing to the world? I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and dwelling on it and dwelling even more. Since that realisation, this wave of fear has overwhelmed me, and now I’ve come home, I’m feeling completely creatively dried out. As making things is such a big part of what I do, it’s dripped into the rest of my life and now I’m just feeling a bit low, lacking in motivation and consequently beating myself up about it.
Last month I also got my endoscopy results back, which confirmed that I don’t have an IBD and that my gastroenterologist no longer needed to see me. While this is incredible news, and fortunately I wasn’t expecting an IBD diagnosis, it’s opened the door to a lot of questions about my health again. While one potential cause has now been ruled out, how do I go about working out what is making me tired all the time, why I’m having allergies to more and more foods and why some days I can’t leave my bathroom? There’s some underlying thing that’s messing with my body and I sometimes wish I could resolve it without more doctor’s appointments, tests and extra costs.
I’m basically waiting to mentally recharge at the moment, and trying to find enjoyment out of creative things that aren’t making videos, such as writing blog posts and shooting on my film camera. Sometimes I forget that being a creator is more than just making videos, and some creators don’t make videos at all and are still incredible at what they do! This is a long way to say that there might be some lapses in my video schedule at the moment, and to thank you for being patient with me. I feel incredibly grateful to be able to take a step back and reflect on how to be better, both creatively and in terms of my wellness. It’s normal for things to take a dip, or even a nose dive, and I’ve got to work with it to see myself out the other side.
I really enjoyed writing this post and sharing these photos – maybe I’ll make this a series? Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you’re having a lovely week. ❤️
My recommendation is to watch what you are eating, especially spicy food.
I posted on mental heath check during quarantine check it out and maybe your suggestions can be taken into consideration . Come talk about your feelings and emotions in the comments .
The daylight savings effect is to blame for everything! So grim
I loved this! The photos are amazing & making this a weekly thing (if you decide to do so) sounds exciting 🙂 feel better soon! X
Lucy! Absolutely loved this blog post, and your blog in general! I am actually thinking about starting my own blog, and I was wondering how you started yours…what software did you use to start yours? Was it one like Blogger or Wix? I would really like to know❤️
I’d love for this to be a series. I have had similar feelings so you’re not alone. I’ve been trying to demotivate myself after a creative low and I think I’m finally starting to get out of it. You are so talented as a creator in your mediums you use so you don’t need to feel limited to just making videos and it is good to take a break. Good luck with it all.
You say it as if creating videos was easy, or not creative. Your videos have evolved a lot, they have meaning and we love them.
I really hope you find inspiration in many other ways too, take your time.
I know unsolicited medical advice is the worst kind, but as somebody who has gone a similar gut journey— if you haven’t, maybe see an immunologist. It took me ages to find out my gut problems weren’t caused by certain foods, it was the underlying immunological response. My body isn’t your body, but an immunologist is a great jumping off point. They might be looking at your issues from a different angle than a gastroenterologist. Bodies are weird!
I hope you find rest and inspiration! Your photography is beautiful.
I love these styles of posts, that are just personal chatty rambles! And these photos are STUNNING – I’d love to hear more about your film camera because I’m super interested in getting one but absolutely baffled by it all and don’t know where to start!
I feel you in the IBD department. For the last seven months, my body has been acting weird. It’s hard for me to talk about with friends, because I don’t have a diagnosis (despite numerous visits to the doctor’s). Every time I tell my doctor what’s wrong, she dismisses it. I’ve tried therapy and multiple medicine (as well as laxatives. That went as well as you can imagine). It’s been hard for me to keep doing fun things as I’m feeling so terrible all the time. I’ve decided to go gluten free last week, so far have not seen many improvements, but I’ll struggle through. I desperately want to know what’s wrong. Next week I’m going back to the doctor and me and my mum are going to demand blood tests. It’s very hard to live life like this, and I want things to change. I may only hope I will know what’s wrong soon, and I wish you the best too. We’re in this together!
Yes, me too! And to Lucy — I am experiencing the same thing. I am bloated and in pain most days, regardless of what I eat. I have been on a extremely careful diet for months with no improvement. My GP and a specialist also told me my blood-work is healthy and everything is fine. They said I should try some herbal tea, eat a healthy diet, get lots of exercise, and reduce my stress levels. I’ve gained weight very suddenly, and am sometimes on the toilet all morning.
I am starting to feel hopeless. It is so frustrating to feel like this all the time. The other day I said it must be a symptom of old age, and then I remembered that I am only 25! It heartening to hear that you guys are going through the same thing. Best of luck, and I hope we all feel better soon <3
I thought i had food allergies, IBS, IBD, autoimmune problems for all of my early twenties. Sometimes I couldn’t leave the bathroom and everything I ate seemed to upset me some days, then other days it was fine and couldn’t be pinpointed at all. I had twrribke fatigue and caught ecwry bug going. It turned out I had stage 4 endometriosis and it was all over my bowel. Have a look at endometriosis UK, its a useful resource and something to explore if you haven’t already. X
Hey Lucy, I gotta say I really really enjoy your blog. The posts feel like chatting with a friend – no matter wether it’s about something personal or about beauty/fashion. And the pictures on these post are so gorgeous! Keep going with your film camera, it’s always so important to balance everyday stress out with things you love doing. I wish you good luck in finding out what keeps you down or that if you don’t you’ll find a way to handle it somehow.
xx anna
Lovely post, I relate so much as I have a hard timz balancing school and blogging while also trying to stay creative ! I definitely think you should make this into a series !
Love the necklace in the first picture, anyone know where it is from
Lately, I have been feeling kind of similarly. I expressed my thoughts to a few close people and although they understood and showed compassion, they didn’t seem to fully grasp what and why I am feeling it. I have lost track of what I want to be doing and why, thus the focus of mu energy has been all over the place, so much that you can’t call it a focus any longer. My lifestyle is changing every now and then due to different things that come up, such as the place of living, my occupation and the people that surround me. in the past six months, these factors have been altered three times!! And here I am trying to keep myself together. Jeeeesus, it is a hell of a tough job.
I think I’m having some same symptoms with you these past few months. I feel stuffy and tired for no reason! I think I also need mentally recharge at the moment! I’ll try to eat clean, do exercise more, spend more time take care of myself and do what I want. I really hope that I’ll overcome this anxiety soon!
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