How are you doing today? Lately I feel like everyone around me has felt a bit off. Maybe it’s the daylight savings change, or the overcast weather we’ve been having. Maybe it’s the coke in the London water supply? (To clarify: I don’t actually think it’s the coke in the water supply.) Metaphorical or not, there’s something in the water, and it’s definitely left me feeling not that great this past month.
I had this moment while I was in LA when I realised that I had been making videos pretty much every week, sometimes every day, for the past three years. Then I started thinking about how the format of what I’m making has hardly changed, and hasn’t been creatively evolving either. And what is the purpose of my content? What am I contributing to the world? I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and dwelling on it and dwelling even more. Since that realisation, this wave of fear has overwhelmed me, and now I’ve come home, I’m feeling completely creatively dried out. As making things is such a big part of what I do, it’s dripped into the rest of my life and now I’m just feeling a bit low, lacking in motivation and consequently beating myself up about it.
Last month I also got my endoscopy results back, which confirmed that I don’t have an IBD and that my gastroenterologist no longer needed to see me. While this is incredible news, and fortunately I wasn’t expecting an IBD diagnosis, it’s opened the door to a lot of questions about my health again. While one potential cause has now been ruled out, how do I go about working out what is making me tired all the time, why I’m having allergies to more and more foods and why some days I can’t leave my bathroom? There’s some underlying thing that’s messing with my body and I sometimes wish I could resolve it without more doctor’s appointments, tests and extra costs.
I’m basically waiting to mentally recharge at the moment, and trying to find enjoyment out of creative things that aren’t making videos, such as writing blog posts and shooting on my film camera. Sometimes I forget that being a creator is more than just making videos, and some creators don’t make videos at all and are still incredible at what they do! This is a long way to say that there might be some lapses in my video schedule at the moment, and to thank you for being patient with me. I feel incredibly grateful to be able to take a step back and reflect on how to be better, both creatively and in terms of my wellness. It’s normal for things to take a dip, or even a nose dive, and I’ve got to work with it to see myself out the other side.
I really enjoyed writing this post and sharing these photos – maybe I’ll make this a series? Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you’re having a lovely week. ❤️