This Week, And Why I’m Feeling Low

How are you doing today? Lately I feel like everyone around me has felt a bit off. Maybe it’s the daylight savings change, or the overcast weather we’ve been having. Maybe it’s the coke in the London water supply? (To clarify: I don’t actually think it’s the coke in the water supply.) Metaphorical or not, there’s something in the water, and it’s definitely left me feeling not that great this past month.

I had this moment while I was in LA when I realised that I had been making videos pretty much every week, sometimes every day, for the past three years. Then I started thinking about how the format of what I’m making has hardly changed, and hasn’t been creatively evolving either. And what is the purpose of my content? What am I contributing to the world? I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and dwelling on it and dwelling even more. Since that realisation, this wave of fear has overwhelmed me, and now I’ve come home, I’m feeling completely creatively dried out. As making things is such a big part of what I do, it’s dripped into the rest of my life and now I’m just feeling a bit low, lacking in motivation and consequently beating myself up about it.

Last month I also got my endoscopy results back, which confirmed that I don’t have an IBD and that my gastroenterologist no longer needed to see me. While this is incredible news, and fortunately I wasn’t expecting an IBD diagnosis, it’s opened the door to a lot of questions about my health again. While one potential cause has now been ruled out, how do I go about working out what is making me tired all the time, why I’m having allergies to more and more foods and why some days I can’t leave my bathroom? There’s some underlying thing that’s messing with my body and I sometimes wish I could resolve it without more doctor’s appointments, tests and extra costs.

I’m basically waiting to mentally recharge at the moment, and trying to find enjoyment out of creative things that aren’t making videos, such as writing blog posts and shooting on my film camera. Sometimes I forget that being a creator is more than just making videos, and some creators don’t make videos at all and are still incredible at what they do! This is a long way to say that there might be some lapses in my video schedule at the moment, and to thank you for being patient with me. I feel incredibly grateful to be able to take a step back and reflect on how to be better, both creatively and in terms of my wellness. It’s normal for things to take a dip, or even a nose dive, and I’ve got to work with it to see myself out the other side.

I really enjoyed writing this post and sharing these photos – maybe I’ll make this a series? Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you’re having a lovely week. ❤️

9 Comments

  1. Smile51
    November 8, 2019 / 7:41 pm

    My recommendation is to watch what you are eating, especially spicy food.

  2. November 8, 2019 / 8:29 pm

    The daylight savings effect is to blame for everything! So grim

  3. Carley
    November 8, 2019 / 8:39 pm

    I loved this! The photos are amazing & making this a weekly thing (if you decide to do so) sounds exciting 🙂 feel better soon! X

  4. Daisy☁️
    November 8, 2019 / 9:02 pm

    Lucy! Absolutely loved this blog post, and your blog in general! I am actually thinking about starting my own blog, and I was wondering how you started yours…what software did you use to start yours? Was it one like Blogger or Wix? I would really like to know❤️

  5. Lottie
    November 8, 2019 / 10:31 pm

    I’d love for this to be a series. I have had similar feelings so you’re not alone. I’ve been trying to demotivate myself after a creative low and I think I’m finally starting to get out of it. You are so talented as a creator in your mediums you use so you don’t need to feel limited to just making videos and it is good to take a break. Good luck with it all.

  6. November 8, 2019 / 11:54 pm

    You say it as if creating videos was easy, or not creative. Your videos have evolved a lot, they have meaning and we love them.
    I really hope you find inspiration in many other ways too, take your time.

  7. Sara B
    November 10, 2019 / 6:31 am

    I know unsolicited medical advice is the worst kind, but as somebody who has gone a similar gut journey— if you haven’t, maybe see an immunologist. It took me ages to find out my gut problems weren’t caused by certain foods, it was the underlying immunological response. My body isn’t your body, but an immunologist is a great jumping off point. They might be looking at your issues from a different angle than a gastroenterologist. Bodies are weird!

    I hope you find rest and inspiration! Your photography is beautiful.

  8. November 10, 2019 / 6:55 pm

    I love these styles of posts, that are just personal chatty rambles! And these photos are STUNNING – I’d love to hear more about your film camera because I’m super interested in getting one but absolutely baffled by it all and don’t know where to start!

  9. November 13, 2019 / 10:42 am

    Hey Lucy, I gotta say I really really enjoy your blog. The posts feel like chatting with a friend – no matter wether it’s about something personal or about beauty/fashion. And the pictures on these post are so gorgeous! Keep going with your film camera, it’s always so important to balance everyday stress out with things you love doing. I wish you good luck in finding out what keeps you down or that if you don’t you’ll find a way to handle it somehow.
    xx anna

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