I Turned Twenty-Five. Oh God.

Three weeks ago, I turned the ripe old age of twenty-five. The year of the quarter-life crisis has not disappointed – I’ve basically been in one for the past year. The good news is – and I say this with apprehension – it might finally be easing off?

I actually went into twenty-five feeling relatively optimistic. I dreaded turning twenty-three and twenty-four, feeling as though my youth (whatever that is, lol) was falling away while leaving me less and less sure of myself each year. Last year was dominated by questions about my health, while the year before was spent on a mission to find stability, after a chaotic string of years prior. The good news is that I found stability – I have a lovely rented flat and (non-rental) boyfriend to show for it. However, I worry I might have stagnated slightly in the process? Even though I’ve been trying new approaches and challenging myself, I’m not sure I’m in the place I’d like to be quite yet.

However, twenty-five felt like turning over a new leaf. I feel refreshed and ready for some positive change. I’m determined to work out what’s going on with my brain and body, while also injecting some oomph into my online space. Stagnation seems to hit every aspect of your life at once, it seems – I felt like when one thing slowed, everything kind of followed, including my enjoyment and growth on social media.

I’ve regained my love of creating – it vanished for a while, but it’s back now and I’m determined to make the most of it. I’ve started a new series on my channel, and I’m hoping to launch a podcast later on in the year. I want to keep innovating in my job and pushing myself to be better, which can be challenging when you don’t have a boss or a clear role to work towards! I’m getting used to that though, and I’ve set some personal goals and targets to reach over the course of the next year. I’m also now using a habit tracking app, which has been the most motivating discovery and something I’d highly recommend to everyone!

Now to everyone’s favourite topic: birth control. I spend a lot of time feeling spaced out at the moment (in fact I’m feeling pretty spaced out as I’m writing this) and I think it might be due to my pill. I thought for a long time that it was because of my IBS, but I’ve been on Symprove for nearly a month now and noticed barely any change in my digestion and my mental health. I think I emotionally invested a little too much in its potential to be a cure-all, and now that it hasn’t happened I’m like… so what else could be causing it? I’ve also reduced my alcohol intake quite significantly, wondering if I was really just waking up hungover some days – I still wake up feeling exactly the same, massively dehydrated and ready to go back to sleep. And before you ask, I’m drinking at least my recommended two litres of water day-to-day. I’ve realised I need to look further out and see what else might be causing the problem, and after some forensic-level googling, I’m pretty sure it’s my pill. I’m now looking into low and non-hormonal options, and hopefully I’ll make the switch to something new before summer.

Basically I’m trying to kick the sedated feeling and get back on my bullshit this year. I don’t know how things are going to go, but I do know that I’ll need to embrace leaving my comfort zone if I want to see a shift in where my health and career are at by 2021. Good thing I like a challenge – here’s to the next twelve months. 🥂